How was your holiday? A simple enough question. Harmless it would seem.
And while my holiday was lovely and the kids were so excited, the question is not harmless and I dread it.
Every mom wants Christmas to be perfect; wants everyone to remember the magic of it all. But knowing this could be the last Christmas put so much more pressure on me. I wanted everything to be a memory--wonderful images that will stick for eternity.
Alas, somethings just aren't meant to be . . .
Every morning, the Dancing Queen awakes with sobs. Every day, no matter how easy we take it, her eyes have deep, dark circles. Each moment, we are closing in on one year gone.
Last year at this time, we were freaking out about the potential for another surgery. This year, I would give anything for a life-extending surgery.
How is it possible that I love her more every day? Haven't I loved her with all of my heart for as long as she's been with me?
And TRex, he grows to be such a good boy, yet there is a sadness about him as well. I can't stop any of it. How can I not stop any of it!
The Dancing Queen has begun to fight me with taking her medications. And the other day, she insisted that one day without them would do no harm. I tried to explain how very important it is to take her medications as prescribed; how they keep her alive. Her response will likely haunt me for a very long time: "But, Mommy, I have to die someday." She looked small as she said it, sitting across from me at the breakfast table. She wasn't in her booster and she was just so small, yet so wise. "But, Mommy, I have to die someday." Baby, we want you to stay around as long as possible. I almost begged her to take the meds, panic about to take over, when she simply picked them up and downed them.