All of that came to a screeching halt at some point after the Dancing Queen's diagnoses in utero and before we brought her home from the hospital. Despite being in deep denial regarding the Dancing Queen's prognosis, the Mad Scientist knew we couldn't handle more. There were too many doctors appointments, too much added expense, and too little time for a family of four, so adding another child would not be wise or fair to any of us. And, of course, the fear that this could happen all over again was crippling to the Mad Scientist (even if he won't admit it). At the end of the day, he has his two amazing children that make the perfect family.
I agree with all of that. Personally, I think fear of the unknown is something we should stand up against, but practicality won out. And of course, I do have the perfect family already. I mean, look at those beautiful children.
Still. That doesn't stop me from wanting another baby right now. My cousin has two boys around the same age as TRex and the Dancing Queen. She just had her third. Many of my sorority sisters have had babies recently. Two heart mom friends just had babies in the last month. One was born a couple of nights ago. I just want to snuggle a new baby and kiss them. Fall asleep with a newborn in my arms.
I know many women go through this from time to time. I recall my mom saying she needed a "baby fix" on more than one occasion. But, I think a lot of my wanting a baby is that with TRex, I took the snuggles for granted. I remember clearly how he would fall asleep in my arms and how much I loved it, but I still don't think I appreciated it enough. I long for that feeling again.
episodes of SVT (really fast and dangerous heart rate). There were no hugs.
On the Dancing Queen's fourth day, she had a miraculous improvement and the ventilator was even able to be removed. We were able to hold her (and felt guilty doing it in the NICU surrounded by other parents who could not hold their newborns). Friday, Saturday, and Easter Sunday, we were able to hold our newborn.
fed through a feeding tube. We didn't get that closeness. When she finally came home, she didn't really want to be held. She preferred to be in her swing or bouncy seat.