Thursday, March 24, 2011


I have nothing in me. I've started two posts and ended each in the middle of the second paragraph. I feel like saying something, but I have nothing.

This has been a hard couple of weeks and I don't know when it will get better, if it will. I am beyond grateful for the life that I have, but somedays, I think it would be easier if I were irresponsible. I would love to sleep in after a night where I was not woken several times by crying. Then take a long hot shower without the worry that if I don't hurry up, we won't make the bus. No fighting to get the kids dressed, fed, medicated, and out the door. No rush to get to work. No hassles. An adult conversation over a long lunch, without needing to get back to work.  Spending enjoyable time with my children in the evening without any yelling or fights. A quiet and yummy dinner with my husband and a comfy bed to fall into. Repeat that for a couple of days, throw in some leisure reading, and I think I might be rejuvenated.

Instead, I've stayed up too late. The Dancing Queen will most definitely cry out, needing me as soon as I get comfortable in my bed (which is no longer as comfortable as it was 7 years ago when I bought it).  DQ will cry out again around 2:00 am and 4:00 am, then maybe again at 5:00 am. I will inevitably not get up when my alarm goes off at 5:30, so I will rush in the morning, trying to get my kids to move as TRex fights me about using the toilet (really???  who doesn't have to pee immediately upon getting out of bed???).  I will fight with my daughter in an attempt to get her to eat.  She won't eat but three bites of whatever I give her (that she will choose!).  My son will fall out of his seat because he refuses to listen to me when I tell him to sit on his bottom. I will get the kids to school after they fight over whose turn it is to choose the music in my car (because news is not acceptable). And I forgot the foot chase that precedes the car when the Dancing Queen takes off down the sidewalk because she thinks its funny. I will rush to work, where I will be forced to drink the swill they have for coffee because in my rushed morning, I will not have time to make good coffee and if I forgo the coffee, my head will likely explode. I will work, get interrupted by emails from another part of my life. I will spend way too much time on that. I'll eat lunch at my desk. Stay way too late at the office. Get home and eat dinner at 9:30 p.m., watch some tv, then crash too late.

No wonder I have nothing.


  1. It took me all week to finally post my most recent update. I hit "pause" with it several times. However, I finally feel good that I purged and continued with it.

    I am so sorry that life has you stressed to the max right now. {{{HUG}}} Life sure ins't the easiest for us but I believe at times it does come with the biggest rewards when we get those perfect little moemnts....the kids laugh, they play nicely together, the kisses and hugs, etc. When everything finally falls into place and we can catch our breath. I live for those moments!

    Praying you get one soon dear friend!

  2. Oh how I wish your post didn't sound so much like my life. If Hope isn't getting up in the middle of the night, Paul is. I haven't slept through the night in I don't know how long. I wake up and I am tired. I work until 10pm...luckily I work from home. I crash around midnight and then we start the middle of the night wake-ups. I feel your pain...especially the lack of sleep. I will be thinking of you as I am up in the middle of the night tonight...knowing that I am not alone.

  3. Our lives are so different and yet so very the same!! I realized yesterday that I hadn't posted in almost a week, and that I wanted to, but that nothing even slightly interesting had happened. No wonder it felt like such a long week. Hugs to you!!

  4. Big hugs. My kid is the same. She can go an hour without peeing in the morning. I wonder if that's humanly possible. I feel like world's worst mother because she pretty much always refuses breakfast. Even goldfish. I send her to school wondering if her brain is even functioning because her stomach is empty.

    Hope you have a good weekend....

  5. Being a mom is exhausting. Being a Mom who works long hours outside the home must be even more so. I hope you find a way to get some real, rejuvinating down time soon.


Having a child with a CHD is like being given an extra sense---the true ability to appreciate life. Each breath, each hug, each meal is a blessing when you've watched your child live off a ventilator, trapped in an ICU bed, being fed through a tube. Each minute is a miracle when you've watched your child almost die and come back to you.
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