I have nothing in me. I've started two posts and ended each in the middle of the second paragraph. I feel like saying something, but I have nothing.
This has been a hard couple of weeks and I don't know when it will get better, if it will. I am beyond grateful for the life that I have, but somedays, I think it would be easier if I were irresponsible. I would love to sleep in after a night where I was not woken several times by crying. Then take a long hot shower without the worry that if I don't hurry up, we won't make the bus. No fighting to get the kids dressed, fed, medicated, and out the door. No rush to get to work. No hassles. An adult conversation over a long lunch, without needing to get back to work. Spending enjoyable time with my children in the evening without any yelling or fights. A quiet and yummy dinner with my husband and a comfy bed to fall into. Repeat that for a couple of days, throw in some leisure reading, and I think I might be rejuvenated.
Instead, I've stayed up too late. The Dancing Queen will most definitely cry out, needing me as soon as I get comfortable in my bed (which is no longer as comfortable as it was 7 years ago when I bought it). DQ will cry out again around 2:00 am and 4:00 am, then maybe again at 5:00 am. I will inevitably not get up when my alarm goes off at 5:30, so I will rush in the morning, trying to get my kids to move as TRex fights me about using the toilet (really??? who doesn't have to pee immediately upon getting out of bed???). I will fight with my daughter in an attempt to get her to eat. She won't eat but three bites of whatever I give her (that she will choose!). My son will fall out of his seat because he refuses to listen to me when I tell him to sit on his bottom. I will get the kids to school after they fight over whose turn it is to choose the music in my car (because news is not acceptable). And I forgot the foot chase that precedes the car when the Dancing Queen takes off down the sidewalk because she thinks its funny. I will rush to work, where I will be forced to drink the swill they have for coffee because in my rushed morning, I will not have time to make good coffee and if I forgo the coffee, my head will likely explode. I will work, get interrupted by emails from another part of my life. I will spend way too much time on that. I'll eat lunch at my desk. Stay way too late at the office. Get home and eat dinner at 9:30 p.m., watch some tv, then crash too late.
No wonder I have nothing.