Friday, March 4, 2011


How is it possible that I am sitting here this morning trying to explain to my almost three year old why she has to play alone at school?  I thought I could wait until junior high for my kids to be ostracized or at least kindergarten.  But no, apparently, something about the Dancing Queen makes it so other kids won't play with her, at least in her mind's eye.

Since she has been back at school following her hospitalization, she has cried hard when being dropped off. She won't let me leave without running to me each morning. She fights me every morning, saying she doesn't want to go to school.  She doesn't like it.  She is visibly sad.  I have been trying to figure out all week what is going on.  I had noticed that the kids weren't gathering around us like they used to before the Dancing Queen's hospitalization.  Before, they were waiting to play with the Dancing Queen.  Now, she is usually by herself for the time when I am there. TRex told me that the Dancing Queen always asks to play with him, but he doesn't want to play with her at school, so she plays with nobody.  My baby plays with nobody.  Nobody.  At play time, there are three classes of students, well over 30, and my baby is all alone.  She isn't even 3.

I talked to the Dancing Queen about this.  I tried not to put words in her mouth.  I asked her who she played with at school.  She told me "I play alone."  I asked, "you don't play alone all of the time, do you?"  She said, "I play alone and I am sad, but then I come home and play with Ma, then I'm happy."  She sees her Ma about once a week.  This breaks my heart.  I asked if the Dancing Queen shared toys when she played with the other kids and if she was nice to them and I didn't really get a response.  I tried to explain that if she was nice and shared her toys, they'd probably play with her and she told me "I'll play alone and then come home and play with Ma."

This is very, very hard.  We have always had the Dancing Queen in daycare and now preschool.  She has always, always loved it. She usually loves people and loves, loves being around them.  That was what made it easier when she was hospitalized from being sick.  We could never imagine taking her out of society just to keep her healthy when she loves the world and society so much.  We want her to have as much life as possible because she generally relishes it.  Now, she is miserable. I know it is likely a phase, but seeing my baby so sad, telling me she plays all by herself, makes me want to jump into action and force those kids to like her, to play with her.  She is simply amazing and they are missing out.  She has the most amazing imagination and the games they could play would be fantastic.  But, I know I can't force preschoolers to do anything, especially preschoolers I don't know.


  1. Oh, how heartbreaking!! This makes me super sad to hear her say that she plays alone. Sure wish there was something I could do to help make it better for her too.

    I am already dreading sending Logan to school because I know he is going to have a very tough time being away from me. He cries anytime I even mention school.

    Praying it gets better for you!

  2. This really is a tough one. I would hope the teachers/care givers would have observations and suggestions for you and the Dancing Queen. Hopefully she will start sharing a little more with you as to what's going on. In the meantime, I just can't imagine the adults not trying to help all the children to be inclusive.

    Parenthood: It's an up and down existence fortunately filled with love and kisses!


  3. This makes me sad and angry for you!
    It's the preschool teachers' job to notice things like this and address the problem so that each child feels happy and safe at school. You are paying them to provide DQ with a positive, enriching experience, and it is not too much to expect them to ensure that this happens.

  4. Wow, we went through something very similar with Little Diva when she was about the same age. She was in full time daycare and had always been a little social butterfly. Then she started complaining that no one wanted to play with her at school. This continued on and off until she "graduated". Discussions with her teacher indicated that girls at this age were "catty" and "fickle" (really?? at 3 and 4?! - wtf?!). She is at a different pre k this year, as she missed the K cut-off, and does not seem to have any more of the same issues. Not sure if was outgrown, or due to being with different kids.

    I hope it is the case with DQ, that it is just a phase. I suggest getting the teacher's take on it, too. Good luck!

  5. Yes, that is part of my problem. I went the preschool earlier this week because we learned that TRex was holding it when it came to BM at school, so much so, he didn't go for at least 2 weeks. He was so backed up, he was not eating and vomiting. He had to see the doctor, have blood work, xrays, the whole nine yards. TRex told me it was because the other boys pick on you at school when you take a dump and he didn't want to be picked on. Of course, I went to the school and discussed this. I was told "boys will be boys". It didn't leave me much comfort in the way of addressing the Dancing Queen's problems, but I broke down anyway this morning after this post. I learned that I was talking to the wrong person. Things are working out better now, at least I hope. The Dancing Queen had a wonderful day and while she was on her own while I was there (for about 25 minutes), she thought she was playing with everyone and she did have fun.


Having a child with a CHD is like being given an extra sense---the true ability to appreciate life. Each breath, each hug, each meal is a blessing when you've watched your child live off a ventilator, trapped in an ICU bed, being fed through a tube. Each minute is a miracle when you've watched your child almost die and come back to you.
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