Over the last couple of weeks, I see funeral homes everywhere I go. I never realized just how many funeral homes are around. They are everywhere! And just like everything that is hidden in plain sight, once you notice one, you see them all.
And with each one, I wonder:
Is this the one we'll use?
How does one decide on a funeral home? I watched "Six Feet Under". I don't want a Kroner! But I also don't want those old, dark, smokey funeral homes I remember from my childhood.
How much does a funeral cost? How will we afford it?
The hospice team has told me they'd help us pre-plan a funeral, but they will work on our time-table. How do I know when I should start the process? I don't want to! What if everything happens as fast as I've seen with others?
Will they have a pink casket?
Will they play her music?
How does a mom actually say: "yes, please cremate this body that came forth from me, that I held countless hours, that I tenderly took care of, that I loved with all my being"?
By then, of course, the tears are flowing. I curse the world for putting my baby through this hell and making me have to think of her funeral.
Eventually, I shake my head clean and decide that it is just not possible that my baby will die. She can't! There is too much left for her to do, to see, to hear, to dance to.
So, I continue my drive, and then there is another funeral home . . .