I cried today--big fat tears in the kitchen.
In front of the kids.
I don't hide my emotions from them, but I do try to keep it together normally.
Today, though, it was too much.
The Dancing Queen was complaining of stomach pain. She wasn't touching her food. I tried every trick I have left to get her to eat. I gave her barbeque potato chips for goodness sake! Nothing. She wouldn't eat a thing.
I begged her, pleaded with her to just eat.
She has to eat! This has been weeks now without really eating, on top of a lifetime where she has barely eaten enough. She is looking gaunt. She is feeling sick. She will only get worse if she doesn't eat!!!! I can't let her go; she NEEDS food!!!!!!
Dancing Queen, please eat!
"But, Mommy, my tummy hurts too much. I can't eat."
And then I cried.
TRex tried to smooth things over. "Mommy, please don't cry. It will be okay."
It won't be okay! If she doesn't eat, she will never get healthy again!
I could see that both kids were upset by my emotional outburst and yet there was nothing I could do. I picked DQ up in my arms, held her tight.
I know you hurt. I know you don't want to eat. But is there something, anything, that sounds good? Please, baby, please.
And she just cried in my arms, "No, Mommy."