Thursday, July 21, 2011


Time is a funny thing. Last year on this date, we were doing our final packing to fly out to California on our desperate voyage seeking hope. That was a lifetime ago. Yet, when I look at my children, I marvel at how quickly they are growing; how much they have changed in such a short time; and feel like it goes by too quickly.

How is this dichotomy possible? How can time fly and seem to take forever all at once?

I'm trying to reconcile the fact that DQ is still wearing the same exact clothes she wore last summer, still comfortably in the shoes we bought for last July, and still weighs the same (pretty much), with the fact that since last summer, I have been three totally different people. Before our trip, I was frantic, clinging to the hope that Stanford held our miracle. After that trip, I had learn to cope with the real possibility that surgery wouldn't work and DQ wouldn't be here with us. Then, after surgery, I had to learn how to let hope back in, how to accept the good, the wonderful, amazing gift we had in DQ and her marked improvement. To me, it feels like all of that growth and change took years and years.
Same outfit, same kid,but the pictures were taken almost one year apart.
Obviously, not much time has passed, but it feels like an eternity to me
when I think about how much has changed with regard to DQ.
 But it also feels like it was just yesterday that DQ was a toddler, using sign language as her major form of communication. And today she is a little girl, who not only speaks full sentences and paragraphs, but she makes up her own song lyrics on the spot. And TRex, gosh, TRex. I can clearly remember the feeling of his newborn body, sound asleep in my arms, yet he is going to be five in a few short weeks. How could he be going to kindergarten so quickly? And why I can't the time I spend relishing my babies as babies feel as long as the time I spent on worry and self-growth and change?


  1. Not always sure how to respond to what you say, but I'm glad you share your family and life with us and I hope that knowing that people are interested and care makes a difference - even if it's people who don't really "know" you. xo Amy

  2. Time is an amazing always seems to fly by and stand still, almost at the same time. I also think Hope was the same size a year ago too...that is really scary. I am hoping for good news in the weight department in August, but I seriously doubt it. I wonder how long she can weigh 16 pounds (UGHHH...I really don't want to know the answer to that question).

  3. And me? Well, my little boys are grown up, successful young men living on opposite coasts. When did that happen?

    Treasure every moment possible. Admittedly, there are many moments that one needs to just let go = ) !! But, more often than not, the memories are wonderful.



  4. are right, it is a tricky thing. It's amazing how stress, worry and self doubt can occupy so much of it and overshadow the good times.

    Praying for you dear friend!


Having a child with a CHD is like being given an extra sense---the true ability to appreciate life. Each breath, each hug, each meal is a blessing when you've watched your child live off a ventilator, trapped in an ICU bed, being fed through a tube. Each minute is a miracle when you've watched your child almost die and come back to you.
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