Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Thank You

Thank you all so much for your words and support after my post yesterday. I really appreciate it. 

The Mad Scientist and I took TRex out to dinner without the Dancing Queen last night (she went with Ma) and had a nice long talk. We told him everything we thought he ought to know. We explained DQ's broken heart more, we explained the seriousness of it. We even told him that there had been times when we didn't know if DQ would come home. Of course that scared him. We told him that we get scared too and it was okay.  We also assured him that the reason we take DQ to so many doctors and take her to the hospital and give her so many medicines is because we are doing everything in our power to keep her healthy. We even told him how he helps. And we tied it all back to DQ's wish. But most importantly, we let him know he could ask any question ever and he could let us know if something made him angry, sad, or scared.

Overall, I think it went very well. We did expect some questions, but he had none. Well, at least he had none last night. As I drove him to school this morning, he bombarded me with all sorts of questions. Luckily, we had time and I was able to answer them. Since DQ got sick last night, TRex was scared. Instead of taking it out with anger, he talked to me about it. It was a very good morning. And the fighting has ceased (well, at least the over the top fighting we had been experiencing ceased).

We've always been open with TRex. We have never lied about DQ's condition, but we also didn't volunteer how desperately serious it was at some points. Yesterday was not the first time we had told TRex that having DQ in the hospital scared us. And it wasn't the first time we've discussed her prognosis. But I do think it was the first time it was not in the context of DQ in the hospital or just having surgery or a procedure. I think it was more of a wake up call to TRex that this is not going away. Couple that with TRex learning this week in school that most people don't spend much of their lives in doctors' offices and hospitals and it was a little mind-altering for the poor little guy. Hopefully, now that the dialogue has started, he will continue to feel comfortable coming to us when he is jealous or angry or thinks something is not fair.

I guess the next hurdle will be when he says something is not fair and he will be right.


  1. I think you did a great job! It's hard to have to tell kids scary or upsetting things because we want to protect them, but I bet knowing what's going on make him feel more secure.

    It seems like you said all the right things!


  2. For some odd reason, I'm not automatically seeing your posts. I didn't get yesterday's but got today's. I guess Blogspot is being selective!! I think you are doing the right thing with TRex. It's hard to explain anything to a five year and especially so with a fragile little sister that needs so much attention. I think as long as you are available when he needs to vent he'll be o.k.. I also hope there's someone (maybe all of us in blogland included) available when you need to vent.


  3. I am impressed with the way you all handled the situation. What a tough message to deliver to such a little guy--but necessary-- and he sounds like he handled it better than I handle like sometimes. Heck, I am still ticked that life is not fair!

  4. Good job. :) I'm glad it went well and things are returning to "normal."

    Sending DQ healing thoughts for a quick recovery from her latest illness.

  5. Glad that talking with TRex about DQs situation helped to maybe bridge the gap for him. Maybe things wil be a little better for all of you.


Having a child with a CHD is like being given an extra sense---the true ability to appreciate life. Each breath, each hug, each meal is a blessing when you've watched your child live off a ventilator, trapped in an ICU bed, being fed through a tube. Each minute is a miracle when you've watched your child almost die and come back to you.
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