The Pacifier

Picture this . . . Thanksgiving 2011. Lunch for the kids has just ended and a very tired Dancing Queen begs to take her nap. Then it hits us: we forgot a pacifier!

All hell broke loose.  DQ was inconsolable, screaming, crying, full-fledged melt down/tantrum.

Could this be a teaching moment? Would we end the addiction? We weren't about to give in to a child screaming at us.

I chose to do the only logical thing--left the Mad Scientist with DQ and made a mad dash to the closest drug store

And as my husband smashed his head against the wall calmed DQ down and determined if she had repented enough to earn a pacifier, I was lost, trying to determine which pacifier would be best for my tired girl.

I got in line behind a grandpa. We chatted as we waited for the clerk to ring up lotto tickets down the way. After 5 minutes of no movement, I asked the clerk whether we were in the correct line. The grandpa offered for me to go ahead since I was trying to alleviate my daughter.

As we continued to wait some more, the grandpa regaled the story of his young grandson and how he was so old when he finally gave up the pacifier. Then, he went where all well-meaning people go. He told me how there just gets to be a point when a child cannot have a pacifier any longer.

Then he asked how old my daughter was. I told him 3.5.

His demeanor immediately changed. He scolded "Well, you have to get her off of it. Put a piece of spice paper on it one time and she'll never go back. You've got to break her of it."

I explained that my daughter is sick and the only thing that calms her down in the hospital or at blood draws is the pacifier.

He pushed on, set in his way, and I let him.  The fight wasn't worth it and I had just paid for the pacifier.

I'm okay with it. I'm okay that he felt compelled to force his opinions on me. (Heck, I used to be that person who'd frown upon seeing a child who could walk with a binky in their mouth.)  I know people have strong opinions about it.  And I'm okay with those opinions not comporting with me reality.

I'm also very much okay with the fact that my daughter still uses a pacifier at 3.5. I saw why the day of her cath. She was in pain, in a strange place, with strangers all around her. She needed one thing that was a comfort and normal. Her pacifier is that for her. Yes, she has "pets" that she sleeps with at night,  stuffed Lightening McQueen and Elmo, but those she can sleep without. The pacifier is the calm.

DQ in the hospital waiting.

When DQ has an echocardiogram done, she is extremely well-behaved. We've been told over and over again that DQ is one of the best behaved kids they have during those exams. The only reason is because she knows she gets her pacifier.

The fact is, I want her to have something that makes her happy so that when she is being hurt by strangers, she can concentrate on her happy place. Her happy place just happens to be sucking on plastic.

My 3.5 year old has had her ribs spread apart and chest opened three times, her heart has been sliced and diced twice, she has had seven heart catheterizations, three of which had "complications", she had another surgery to correct a defect unrelated to her heart, and lots and lots of procedures under anesthesia with a breathing tube.  My sweet little preschooler usually has her blood drawn at least once a month. She has been averaging two shots every two weeks. She gets x-rays monthly, echocardiograms every four months, abdominal ultrasounds every four months, hospital stays frequently, and IVs often. She wears a nasal cannula, taped to her face, pumping oxygen in her nose every night, she takes 10 medications a day on average, and she doesn't really complain about any of it. The only thing she asks for is a pacifier to suck on when times get hard.  I don't think its too much to ask.

Besides, no matter how much she loves the pacifier, she's not going to go off to college sucking on one at night!

DQ leaving the hospital, after multiple blood draws, echo,  xrays, and lots of doctors.