Emergency is Over

For so long (over seven years now), the Mad Scientist and I have been in emergency mode.  Comfort and peace did not seem possible.  In the back of my head, I was waiting for the calm before I would try to find a semblance of normalcy. I was constantly telling myself: "When DQ is better, we will do this or that; we will be happy."

The whole sick child thing is weird.  It made the Mad Scientist and I closer in many, many ways, yet further apart as well. I'd let him do his thing, grieve and deal in his own way. I'd do my own thing. All the while, we were both alone, even though we were very much together and doing everything as a team--except grieve.

In the earlier part of last year though, the Mad Scientist and I decided we couldn't continue to grieve alone.  We started to see a therapist together. We go every other week to work through our grief together and to understand each other better. We are trying to build ladders so that that wall that is our differences in dealing with a sick and dying DQ can be climbed. It has been a lot of work, but worth it.

The best part is that we are doing this together.  We are no longer alone in our grief.

I have learned so much about the Mad Scientist and what he is going through.  It has been such a blessing.  I do feel closer to him in a way that has been missing for so much of the emergency period.  And I know how to relate to him better and how to let him grieve.

What has been surprising though is how much I've learned about myself as well.

Last week, I had one of my biggest revelations. I'm still working through it in my head (hence the need to blog), but I wonder why the thought never materialized before.

Life sucks now because DQ is sick, but life is always going to suck in that way: DQ is always going to be sick or else she will be dead and that will make life suck all the more. We have to learn how to live despite the fact that nothing will ever be completely good again.  There is never going to be a moment in the rest of my life that will not have a tinge of pain, so I have to learn to make peace with that.

I know this should have been obvious for a long time--at least since DQ was admitted to hospice--but it hit me like a ton of bricks.  It continues to hit me; almost like the bricks are falling one at a time through a hole in the burlap bag hanging overhead and I can't move out of the way . . .

A Yupper Honeymoon

I lived in the UP of Michigan (upper peninsula) for four years during college. I used to joke that I moved as far away from home as possible while still staying in state. It was a wonderful time for me. I was learning who I was, what I wanted, and where I wanted to go. And I loved the UP. I love trees. I love hills. I love winter. I love snow. I loved the idea of being away from the shopping malls, materialism, and everything. As soon as I moved there, I felt like my heart had found it's home.  After I graduated, I always assumed I would find my way back to the UP when I "grew up" and live out my days near Lake Superior.

After law school though, I needed a job and I needed to go home to Detroit. So, I did.

Six months later, the Mad Scientist entered my life. Before I knew it, we were married and trying to have a baby.  I knew I wouldn't be moving to the UP (MS hates snow). So, when I had the opportunity to show my new husband where my heart had been before I met him, I took it. The Mad Scientist changed the oil in the car, we packed, and we were off for a week in the UP--our honeymoon nine months after getting married.

It was August and very warm down state, but the UP is different. The weather was nice, but air conditioning was never needed. We could drive with the windows open, enjoying the breeze while we cruised at 55 miles throughout the entire peninsula.

The entire trip was amazing! I had never been a tourist in the UP (not since going there as a kid with my grandma and aunt). And the Mad Scientist had never been across the Mighty Mac.  The two of us cheesed it up and took everything in. We stopped at all of the tourist traps. We enjoyed all of the beaches. It was exactly what a honeymoon should be--part adventure, part relaxation, and just the two of us!

The first stop of our tour: the Mystery Spot near St. Ignace.

We took pictures of the signs marking our spots so we knew where we were on our trip.

Yes, he was standing straight inside the Mystery Spot.

Then we started down U.S. 2.

Lake Michigan to the south of us.

Beautiful.

I was the only one brave enough to go in.

The Mad Scientist stayed on the beach!

We noticed an inordinate amount of signs for smoked fish, so we had to take pictures.

 

The "EAT" restaurant always made me laugh when I would drive by on my way to school. Had to get a pic on our Yupper Honeymoon.

Breakfast on Day 2 at the Navigator in Munising.

Boat tours for Pictured Rocks--our planned adventure for the morning. Cancelled due to dangerous waters.

We went to see the park from land instead.

      

There was a stunning waterfall.

Miners Castle

Miners Caste with water coming out the hole.

And the honeymooners. Gosh we were young!

We then headed toward the Keweenaw, passing through Ishpeming and the US National Ski Hall of Fame along the way.

We finally made it to Houghton and I took MS to see Michigan Tech, my alma matter. (That is float copper he is hugging.)

We stayed at the Laurium Manor Inn (this is their picture of the inn since we didn't take any on the trip). Since Laurium is centrally located, we used it as our starting point for the rest of our adventures.

 

The Mad Scientist wanted to take a souvenir. Here was his rock.

He returned it to nature, but we still have the memory.

Another memory was leaving the beautiful spot, days into our journey, after hundreds and hundreds of miles, to realize the oil cap had not been replaced, but left sitting on the engine. We opened the hood and it was still there!

Our next stop, Eagle River.

More falls. The UP is covered in beautiful waterfalls.

I've always loved this wooden arch bridge.

I love him too!

 

Yes, all of these things are right off the side of the road. No heavy hiking required.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brockway Mountain

 

 

 

 

 

Who would'a thought we'd find a rock that looked like the lower peninsula in Manganese Lake.

 

This is the hoist.

 

 

Yes, that is more copper. We were in Copper Country.

Had to suit up to stay safe and keep warm. It might have been late August, but going into the mine was still cold, even if we were only going on a tour.

On the tram ride down into the mine for our tour.

This is the Jacobsville Lighthouse. To get this picture, the Mad Scientist walked out on wet metal very far. I stayed on the land.

This picture was taken from the same location  as the last, but the Mad Scientist was trying to get me on the shore.

The old lighthouse was turned into a B&B.

 

As we drove home, we had to take some last photos of the road. This is Christmas, Michigan.

We had a wonderful trip. We played lots of games (especially Mancala). We read lots of books. We ate good food. And we made lots of memories. Best of all, the Mad Scientist was able to know a place that held my heart.


The UP still holds my heart. I know I will never live there again, but we will visit. And someday, the Mad Scientist and I will take the kids to see where mommy went to school. I hope they will learn the love for the trees, the lakes, and even the snow.


If you enjoyed my Michigan memory, please click over to two fellow Michigan bloggers, Jackie at With Just a Bit of Magic and Lauren at Mrs. Weber's Neighborhood, who started a new meme to share Michigan memories. Share your own too!