Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I wrote a post that won't go up. It was too raw, too visceral, and too personal. I have so many emotions flowing lately and so many things are changing. The biggest change I think is crashing hard now that the adrenaline I've been running on since December 2009 is sputtering out. There is no longer a need for me to search out more doctors, to seek better answers, no longer the drive for more. We just have to deal with life now. It is wonderful that DQ's heart and lungs are as good as they can be, but without the hope of something more, it is devastating too. I'm trying to come to grips with this reality and my emotions run every which way. So, if I don't post for a while, you'll know why. Then again, I may post a lot. I don't know. My brain is everywhere and nowhere.
Having a child with a CHD is like being given an extra sense---the true ability to appreciate life. Each breath, each hug, each meal is a blessing when you've watched your child live off a ventilator, trapped in an ICU bed, being fed through a tube. Each minute is a miracle when you've watched your child almost die and come back to you.